Ever heard of the five love languages? No, I’m not talking about translating the word “love” in five different languages. According to New York Times best-selling author Gary Chapman there are five different love languages and you (and everyone else) speak one of those languages.
If your top love language is words of affirmation, chances are you find it important for your partner actually tell you that he/she loves you. You feel most loved when your partner tells you things like, “I’m proud of you,” “I love you,” and “I appreciate you,”. Harsh words, insults and lack of recognition can leave you feeling unloved and hurt.
Do you feel most loved when your partner offers to complete a task for you? If yes, then your love language is probably acts of service. When your spouse offers to do chores like cleaning, laundry or running an errand for you, you feel the most appreciated and most love by his/her commitment to help you and value your time.
Before you think that this love language is superficial, be assured that it is not. It’s always the thought that counts. Your partner is at the store and decided to grab you your favorite candy bar and surprise you with it late: this is an example of receiving gifts. If this is your love language, you love feeling as if your partner is thinking about you and is compelled to purchase or make you something, no matter how big or how small. Chances are thoughtful gifts rank higher in your world than expensive meaningless gifts. If your partner gives you a gift that is lacking in thoughtfulness for a holiday, you will be hurt.
If quality time is your love language, you feel most loved when you are able to spend quality and uninterrupted time with your partner. Distractions like cell phones and televisions can make you feel hurt and alone. You enjoy being carefully listened to and understood. You enjoy time spent with your partner no matter how short of a time period, even if it is just in a car ride.
Physical touch doesn’t have to mean sexual touch. If your love language is physical touch, you feel most loved when your partner embraces you in some form of touch. This could be holding your hand in the car, embracing you in hug, and yes, having sex. Lack of touch can make you feel unloved, neglected and unwanted.
Knowing your love language can be beneficial in helping you express to your partner how you feel most loved. When you are stressed out, hurt and feeling like you need a moment to feel loved and your partner asks, “How can I help you feel better?” you can tell him/her what is going to most benefit you.
For me, one of the biggest benefits I received was when I made my husband take the love language quiz (more about this below) and I found out what his language is. His language is physical touch. For the longest time, I always thought that he was just being a man claiming his wife when he constantly needed to be touching me , but after learning his love language I realized that touching me was how he most felt loved. If he calls me on the way home from work explaining that he had a really rough day, when he comes home I can make him feel most loved by embracing him in a hug. Having dinner ready for him, buying a sweet treat or small gift are all very nice and thoughtful but he will get the most benefit from me simply embracing him in some form of physical touch.
Knowing your partner’s love language can be so beneficial in really understanding them and understanding what is going to make he or she feel the most loved and appreciated. But, you can even have your child take the love language quiz. What more could a parent want than to have your child feel as loved and appreciated as possible?
Start by taking the love language quiz and learn your language. Click here to take the quiz. After finishing the quiz, go ahead and have your spouse or significant other take the quiz as well. Not only does this quiz tell you which language you speak more prominently, but it also ranks each language and gives you a score for each.
Again, you can also take the quiz for your child.
Read Gary Chapman’s book! His book carefully outlines the five love languages and what they mean. Buy the book here. Dr. Gary Chapman’s book has a proven approach to showing and receiving love and promises to help you experience deeper and richer levels of intimacy with your partner.